2018.07.25
英文メールの書き方：作成した資料の添削をお願いする
こんなシチュエーション、お仕事でありませんか？
外部の方に見せる目的の資料を作成しました。さらに、関係部署の方々にお願いして内容の確認をしてもらいました。今度は、文言の「トンマナ」について、ブランドマネージャーに確認してほしい。
英文メールで「作成した資料の添削をお願いする」お手本を動画でチェック！
こちらの動画では、伝えるべきメッセージとニュアンスを書き手が考えているところから、以下の内容のメールを実際に英語で書く様子までをご覧いただけます。
———————
ケンさん、
今朝は暑さの中大丈夫でしたか？
法人向けセミナーの説明資料の作成を営業チームから依頼されました。内容に関してはすでにフィードバックをいただき、適宜修正を加えました。
最後に、トンマナに関して修正点・変更点をご指摘いただきたく、添付の資料をご確認いただけませんでしょうか？来週末までにフィードバックをいただければ幸いです。
———————
今後の仕事での英語メールの参考になれば幸いです。
【動画内の”CC”ボタンをクリックして英語字幕を表示！】
【過去の動画を見るにはYoutubeページへ！Subscribe！】
0:00:04.609,0:00:09.780
Hello everyone! Welcome to E-mail Picks. Let me tell you a little bit about what I do
0:00:09.780,0:00:13.170
at work. So part of my job is to help our
0:00:13.170,0:00:17.310
salespeople proposed effective English
training programs to our corporate
0:00:17.310,0:00:23.250
clients in doing so I sometimes get
requests to make brochures that will
0:00:23.250,0:00:28.260
help them to explain our services better.
So that's what I was doing a few days
0:00:28.260,0:00:34.469
ago, and I made this. And I also asked the
salespeople to check if there's anything
0:00:34.469,0:00:39.030
they would like to add or change in this
document. Now this looks finished, but
0:00:39.030,0:00:45.239
actually, not quite. I need to make sure
that the writing in this brochure sounds...
0:00:45.239,0:00:50.250
sounds Bizmatesy. You know how each
company has its own color and taste for
0:00:50.250,0:00:56.579
its messages in its website? So for
example, Apple uses simple and impactful
0:00:56.579,0:01:02.609
words and has short sentences. Rolex uses sophisticated words and has longer
0:01:02.609,0:01:08.130
sentences. So Bizmates too has its own
little voice. Our marketing director Ken
0:01:08.130,0:01:12.810
is also kind of our brand manager, so he
knows what kind of words and what kind
0:01:12.810,0:01:17.100
of sentences Bizmates would use to
communicate to our customers. So today,
0:01:17.100,0:01:21.900
I'm gonna ask him to check my work and
see if the words and sentences I used
0:01:21.900,0:01:26.390
agree with all our other brochures and
webpages. So here goes.
0:01:26.390,0:01:31.860
Hello Ken, I hope you didn't get fried in
the sun this morning. The sales team has
0:01:31.860,0:01:35.579
asked me to create a brochure explaining
our corporate seminar service. I've
0:01:35.579,0:01:40.320
gotten feedback in terms of content and
made revisions accordingly. As a final
0:01:40.320,0:01:44.250
step, could we ask you to check the
attached document and point out any need
0:01:44.250,0:01:49.649
for corrections / modifications in terms
of terminologies / wording? It would be
0:01:49.649,0:01:54.390
great if we could get your feedback by
the end of next week. Thank you, Kyota. OK.
0:01:54.390,0:01:58.710
So I started out this e-mail with a
little small talk because I don't
0:01:58.710,0:02:02.909
usually have many chances to talk with
Ken. I feel there is still some distance
0:02:02.909,0:02:06.600
between us, so I thought I shouldn't jump
right into the topic.
0:02:06.600,0:02:11.280
Then in the next paragraph, I explained
the background of my requests so that
0:02:11.280,0:02:16.080
Ken would understand the purpose of this
document. In the last paragraph, I am
0:02:16.080,0:02:20.819
asking Ken if he could check the
document, and what's important here is
0:02:20.819,0:02:25.709
that I'm specifying what kind of things
I would like him to check, by writing: in
0:02:25.709,0:02:31.260
terms of terminologies / wording. Then he will understand that all he needs to
0:02:31.260,0:02:36.630
check is if my sentences are natural and
have the same taste and tone as all of
0:02:36.630,0:02:41.730
our other brochures. I also set a
deadline by writing: it would be great if
0:02:41.730,0:02:46.500
we could get... get your feedback by the
end of the week. So there you go. An e-mail
0:02:46.500,0:02:51.660
to request someone to check your work. So my job is almost done. I hope this will
0:02:51.660,0:02:55.980
help our sales reps explain to our
customers more easily. OK so that's it
0:02:55.980,0:03:00.049
for today. Thank you for watching. I'll
see you next week
Hello everyone! Welcome to E-mail Picks. Let me tell you a little bit about what I do
0:00:09.780,0:00:13.170
at work. So part of my job is to help our
0:00:13.170,0:00:17.310
salespeople proposed effective English
training programs to our corporate
0:00:17.310,0:00:23.250
clients in doing so I sometimes get
requests to make brochures that will
0:00:23.250,0:00:28.260
help them to explain our services better.
So that's what I was doing a few days
0:00:28.260,0:00:34.469
ago, and I made this. And I also asked the
salespeople to check if there's anything
0:00:34.469,0:00:39.030
they would like to add or change in this
document. Now this looks finished, but
0:00:39.030,0:00:45.239
actually, not quite. I need to make sure
that the writing in this brochure sounds...
0:00:45.239,0:00:50.250
sounds Bizmatesy. You know how each
company has its own color and taste for
0:00:50.250,0:00:56.579
its messages in its website? So for
example, Apple uses simple and impactful
0:00:56.579,0:01:02.609
words and has short sentences. Rolex uses sophisticated words and has longer
0:01:02.609,0:01:08.130
sentences. So Bizmates too has its own
little voice. Our marketing director Ken
0:01:08.130,0:01:12.810
is also kind of our brand manager, so he
knows what kind of words and what kind
0:01:12.810,0:01:17.100
of sentences Bizmates would use to
communicate to our customers. So today,
0:01:17.100,0:01:21.900
I'm gonna ask him to check my work and
see if the words and sentences I used
0:01:21.900,0:01:26.390
agree with all our other brochures and
webpages. So here goes.
0:01:26.390,0:01:31.860
Hello Ken, I hope you didn't get fried in
the sun this morning. The sales team has
0:01:31.860,0:01:35.579
asked me to create a brochure explaining
our corporate seminar service. I've
0:01:35.579,0:01:40.320
gotten feedback in terms of content and
made revisions accordingly. As a final
0:01:40.320,0:01:44.250
step, could we ask you to check the
attached document and point out any need
0:01:44.250,0:01:49.649
for corrections / modifications in terms
of terminologies / wording? It would be
0:01:49.649,0:01:54.390
great if we could get your feedback by
the end of next week. Thank you, Kyota. OK.
0:01:54.390,0:01:58.710
So I started out this e-mail with a
little small talk because I don't
0:01:58.710,0:02:02.909
usually have many chances to talk with
Ken. I feel there is still some distance
0:02:02.909,0:02:06.600
between us, so I thought I shouldn't jump
right into the topic.
0:02:06.600,0:02:11.280
Then in the next paragraph, I explained
the background of my requests so that
0:02:11.280,0:02:16.080
Ken would understand the purpose of this
document. In the last paragraph, I am
0:02:16.080,0:02:20.819
asking Ken if he could check the
document, and what's important here is
0:02:20.819,0:02:25.709
that I'm specifying what kind of things
I would like him to check, by writing: in
0:02:25.709,0:02:31.260
terms of terminologies / wording. Then he will understand that all he needs to
0:02:31.260,0:02:36.630
check is if my sentences are natural and
have the same taste and tone as all of
0:02:36.630,0:02:41.730
our other brochures. I also set a
deadline by writing: it would be great if
0:02:41.730,0:02:46.500
we could get... get your feedback by the
end of the week. So there you go. An e-mail
0:02:46.500,0:02:51.660
to request someone to check your work. So my job is almost done. I hope this will
0:02:51.660,0:02:55.980
help our sales reps explain to our
customers more easily. OK so that's it
0:02:55.980,0:03:00.049
for today. Thank you for watching. I'll
see you next week
