2019.03.27
英文メールの書き方：添削依頼に返信する
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ジャスティン、
めちゃくちゃに赤入れするのを楽しみにしていましたが、残念ながらとても説得力のある文でした。
唯一より良くできそうに思ったところは、うちのサービスに関する部分でした。内容が少し細かくなりすぎてしまっている印象だったので、より簡潔にするとメッセージ全体の効果が増すと思います。変更の提案を添付ファイルに記載しました。
動画の完成を楽しみにしています。
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今後の仕事での英語メールの参考になれば幸いです。
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【過去の動画を見るにはYoutubeページへ！Subscribe！】
0:00:04.609,0:00:09.389
Hello everyone. Welcome to E-mail Picks. I hope everyone's enjoying the spring
0:00:09.389,0:00:14.730
breeze and staying away from pollen. This
morning, my colleague Justin e-mailed me
0:00:14.730,0:00:20.100
asking if I could check a piece of
writing he did. He needs to write up a
0:00:20.100,0:00:24.660
script for a message video our boss is
going to shoot later this week and he
0:00:24.660,0:00:29.429
wanted another person's opinion on
whether the flow of the script was
0:00:29.429,0:00:33.570
convincing or not. So I checked his
writing and it was already very good as
0:00:33.570,0:00:38.219
it was. But reading it over a few times I
noticed there were some parts that could
0:00:38.219,0:00:44.070
be shortened. Simple and short is almost
always better than simple but long. So
0:00:44.070,0:00:48.719
today, I want to reply to Justin and tell
him that I had a look over the script
0:00:48.719,0:00:51.930
and suggest that he shorten some parts
of it.
0:00:51.930,0:00:58.320
So here goes. Hi Justin, I was looking
forward to tearing your script apart but
0:00:58.320,0:01:02.039
unfortunately I thought it was a very
convincing piece of writing. The only
0:01:02.039,0:01:06.210
part that I felt could be made even
better was where you were talking about
0:01:06.210,0:01:10.350
our services. I got the impression this
part was a little too detailed and
0:01:10.350,0:01:14.970
making the explanation for each service
more concise may raise the impact of the
0:01:14.970,0:01:15.470
message as a whole. I noted the suggested change in the attached file.
0:01:15.470,0:01:24.930
Looking forward to seeing the video. Kyota. OK,
so I started the e-mail by joking around
0:01:24.930,0:01:30.450
a little. I pretended that I was going to
put red marks all over Justin's work but
0:01:30.450,0:01:35.759
of course there wasn't a need for that.
And then I softly suggested a change
0:01:35.759,0:01:40.799
in the second paragraph. To do that, I
used phrases like "The only part that I
0:01:40.799,0:01:47.399
felt could be made even better was..." and "I got the impression... blablabla." See,
0:01:47.399,0:01:52.409
it sets the feeling that I am basically
very positive about his work. So there
0:01:52.409,0:01:57.810
you go. An e-mail to reply to a request to
check a document. I wish I can write well
0:01:57.810,0:02:02.490
and as quickly as Justin does. But now,
I'm back to my own tasks. All right, so
0:02:02.490,0:02:07.189
that's it for today. Thank you for
watching. I'll see you next week.
Hello everyone. Welcome to E-mail Picks. I hope everyone's enjoying the spring
0:00:09.389,0:00:14.730
breeze and staying away from pollen. This
morning, my colleague Justin e-mailed me
0:00:14.730,0:00:20.100
asking if I could check a piece of
writing he did. He needs to write up a
0:00:20.100,0:00:24.660
script for a message video our boss is
going to shoot later this week and he
0:00:24.660,0:00:29.429
wanted another person's opinion on
whether the flow of the script was
0:00:29.429,0:00:33.570
convincing or not. So I checked his
writing and it was already very good as
0:00:33.570,0:00:38.219
it was. But reading it over a few times I
noticed there were some parts that could
0:00:38.219,0:00:44.070
be shortened. Simple and short is almost
always better than simple but long. So
0:00:44.070,0:00:48.719
today, I want to reply to Justin and tell
him that I had a look over the script
0:00:48.719,0:00:51.930
and suggest that he shorten some parts
of it.
0:00:51.930,0:00:58.320
So here goes. Hi Justin, I was looking
forward to tearing your script apart but
0:00:58.320,0:01:02.039
unfortunately I thought it was a very
convincing piece of writing. The only
0:01:02.039,0:01:06.210
part that I felt could be made even
better was where you were talking about
0:01:06.210,0:01:10.350
our services. I got the impression this
part was a little too detailed and
0:01:10.350,0:01:14.970
making the explanation for each service
more concise may raise the impact of the
0:01:14.970,0:01:15.470
message as a whole. I noted the suggested change in the attached file.
0:01:15.470,0:01:24.930
Looking forward to seeing the video. Kyota. OK,
so I started the e-mail by joking around
0:01:24.930,0:01:30.450
a little. I pretended that I was going to
put red marks all over Justin's work but
0:01:30.450,0:01:35.759
of course there wasn't a need for that.
And then I softly suggested a change
0:01:35.759,0:01:40.799
in the second paragraph. To do that, I
used phrases like "The only part that I
0:01:40.799,0:01:47.399
felt could be made even better was..." and "I got the impression... blablabla." See,
0:01:47.399,0:01:52.409
it sets the feeling that I am basically
very positive about his work. So there
0:01:52.409,0:01:57.810
you go. An e-mail to reply to a request to
check a document. I wish I can write well
0:01:57.810,0:02:02.490
and as quickly as Justin does. But now,
I'm back to my own tasks. All right, so
0:02:02.490,0:02:07.189
that's it for today. Thank you for
watching. I'll see you next week.
